Friday, 8 February 2013

Online Greenlight Review: Part 2



1 comment:

  1. OGR 09/02/2013

    Hey George,

    Okay, it's clear from your OGR that you haven't exactly been busting a gut to get yourself up to speed with just two weeks to go. For example, I'm not sure why you've included your old 'Sticky Addiction' script as part of the OGR, when your storyboard is depicting a different story entirely! That said, it's encouraging to see you fleshing out your character design, though you're not dealing with his hands or feet, and in common with my previous feedback, he's pretty generic still in terms of his body shape etc.

    In terms of your storyboard, it makes clear that you're missing information in your set-up. It's not clear what your character is or what he's up to - or even that he's been killing animals and turning them into puppets. You need to think much more carefully, George, about getting all this backstory into those opening scenes, otherwise your audience a) won't understand why he's going after the lion and b) won't enjoy the moment he gets his comeuppance. The audience has to hate him by the time he's trying it on with the lion. You need to look to your Act 1 and how you can establish and show character and motivation; this content is missing from your story and you need to get it in there.

    George - you REALLY need to think in a more sophisticated and less-immature way about your presentation and workflow. For example, what does the design/layout of your OGR have to do with the content of your story? (Nothing!). And do you think it's acceptable at this late stage of year one that a few hurriedly produced pencil sketches of generic environments and lions should suffice? You're not doing yourself any favours at all, and I am expecting a HUGE leap in terms of quality of drawing, draftmanship and presentation. You may have noticed that you're in a year group distinguished by some real talent who hardly need their tutor to remind them to make the best work of which they're capable. You're falling behind, George and your output for this unit is below where it could and should be. Sort it and please don't make me nag you again, because feedback like this makes my job boring.

    So - a round-up of what you'll need to address over the coming days:

    1) Act 1 - establish Nathan's activity and motive much more explicitly; show us him working on animal puppets; show us his creations; show us some evidence that animals are going missing etc. Remember, your audience needs to be on the lion's side and needs to fear your puppet-maker.

    2) Production design: when/where is your story set? What is your visual concept for your environments? Remember your first term, which was entirely about designing spaces in relationship to the mise-en-scene etc. You're a designer, not a doodler - design something!

    3) Resolve your character (see above) and that includes his hands and feet, and his props etc.

    4) Project branding - give it some proper thought, George - stop being generic - and sort your blog too while you're at it.

    5) Finally - stop faking it George. Do the work. Put the hours in - no, really. Invest in your own learning. Take it seriously. Get your money's worth. Learn something new. 'Be amazing'. Why settle for less? Industry wont.

    Big improvements please, George. Don't disappoint.